�Guilt can be a nightmare,� explains Dr.�Claire Weekes in her book Self-Help for Your Nerves, �particularly to those trying to set a high standard for themselves.�

Hi Victoria,

I used to feel guilty about anything that someone was upset at me about. Sometimes this was false guilt meaning it was not valid. That didn't make it go away, but in my later years it did help me to understand that at times I may feel guilty over something that was not my fault, something which I should not honestly feel guilty about. I think with true, justifiable guilt there are steps we can take to alleviate it. If we were wrong in a situation we can go to the person we have wronged and ask for forgiveness. whether the person forgives us or not, we have done all we can do, except make resitution if necessary. At that point I think we need to forgive ourselves and drop it. I think we have met our duty as for as God is concerned. If the guilt is false, there is not anything we can do to get rid of it because we didn't do anything to cause it. We need to learn to think differently in this situation.

I think people who are or have been people pleasers such as myself are very susceptible to false guilt.

Good Morning Don, 53,
Thank you for your insight on "guilt." I appreciate your comments on the subject and can see that your approach is a scriptural one.

No one is perfect and we are bound to say and do things that are not necessarily intentional sin but simply mistakes. And some actions, although not wrong in themselves - nevertheless may upset the sensitive minded and we may feel guilt because we didn't handle whatever differently had we known . . . which we probably couldn't have because we can't read people's minds.

Sometimes the more we learn of God�s standards in the Bible, the less worthy of his favor and blessing we may feel, depending on what's going on in our lives and within us. Especially so for people who are just learning but prior to making needed changes. For the later it's perhaps because
their past life-style had violated many of God�s principles such as misuse of drugs, alcohol abuse, and various other degrading habits.

For some persons - they may feel most unworthy, even over smaller things because however hard they try they have found it very difficult to conquer an ingrained habit. Even if it is not a seriously bad habit others may have deep feelings of inadequacy. I make the mistake at times because I set unreasonably high standards for myself as I try to live up to what I feel are God�s demands. Or I will set up too high goals that my circumstances make it tiresome to maintain. Then, when I fail, I feel guilty. In my case, I act this way because I have allowed another to set up high standards for me which I foolishly am trying to keep perhaps to prove I'm so good. I have allowed another person's strong personality take over my thinking which is why I'm having such a difficult time at this stage of my life. That is why I could relate to Weekes quote: �Guilt can be a nightmare particularly to those trying to set a high standard for themselves.�

This is not the folder to scripturally go into it.* However, without doing so I can relate that I've had to ask myself, what can a Christian do if he is affected by such feelings of unworthiness?

In a nutshell - appreciate God's undeserved kindness and accept their "best" as God accepts it in us when he often sees the good in us that we don't see in ourselves.

This is something that I am continiously working on. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. I obsess negative thoughts about what I said or did to someone even though I meant well. It might be called "second guessing." The thing is, I know that I'm far better off when I do my imperfect "best" for my circumstances and then accept the outcome what may. And if it is something that requires my asking forgiveness and making restitution, as your brought out, then do it and then forgive myself likewise.

Thank you Don for sharing -- the right way to view guilt.

Victoria

* See "Spiritual" folder for follow up please.