Hi,

I'm coming to realising that my biggest problem is obsessive, scary thoughts. Here's what happened to me doing session 9.

I couldn't quite tell a worry from my obsessive thoughts (and still am not sure) because my obsessive thoughts are partly me worrying so I started dealing with my obsessive thoughts in the way they advise to deal with worry.

I started using the technique that I'll write my worries down and decide to solve them at a certain time of the day. So I wrote my obsessive worrying thoughts down and decided that I'll solve them at 12pm. The first day I wrote 4 things down and waited and waited and it went fine until 12pm. When I finally started going thru the thoughts, I wrote 10 pages in my spiral notebook about just 2 of the scary thoughts. I never wrote the last two. I just quickly decided about them in my head. It suddenly just exploded. The 2 thoughts got bigger and bigger and I had 3 anxiety attacks while writing. Afterwards I spoke about these things with my partner who got very frustrated because I had planned how to talk about it assertively and it went fine until I got another long anxiety attack and stayed very anxious for 2 more days, which cause me getting more and more anxiety and thoughts. Of course I felt guilt about giving him bad feelings so as a result of all this he shared my bad feelings for 2 more days and I was feeling even worse.

So I started writing them down again immediately, which I was doing before this lesson quite successfully, but I have not been able to gain my good feelings back. I just feel depressed and that I failed and I feel that my partner thinks I failed too. I'm even more negative than before. Before this I was able to feel better and longer, actually a couple of days in a row really good and another couple of days still quite good. I got so down I didn't do anything about my course for 2 days, but am back now.

Now I'm scared that the next lesson 10 about obsessive thoughts is not going to bring me any help for my thoughts and I'll feel so helpless that I'll never conquer these obsessive thoughts and I want to get rid of them so badly.

Thank you for your support here.

I wanted to add here what's happened since I wrote. I had another two bad days until today I suddenly after dealing with some thoughts felt very proud about how well I did. I'm feeling back to good and I'm not quite sure why it happened just like that when I struggled with it for days. I just suddenly felt good and peaceful.

Thank you.

None of this seems to go in a straight line does it- even though we want it to. I've noticed sometimes for me I start thinking that I'm not really 'getting it all' but later I will see a shift in thinking that is subtle and gradual but none the less positive. Session 10 will help even more, so stay with it. Addressing these thoughts are not easy- but oh so worth it.

Thank you for your reply Mary Wargo. And thank you for encouraging me to stay with session 10. I'm starting to believe it'll help me. I'll do my best to follow the instructions because I'd give so much to get rid of these thoughts and find peace. I've had much more peace since I started the program than before it for years.

When I think about the whole shifting the thoughts towards the better and I guess can see that I'm getting better, but when you then feel very bad again, it's so disappointing.

Thank you so much.

Hello Satu. I have struggled with obsessive scary thoughts as well. It's hard to tell what's real and what's just a thought that you need to "throw away". My husband calls them "kerflush" thoughts and that helps me sometimes. I will get a scary thought again and just think about flushing it down the toilet. My husband, who doesn't struggle with anxiety at all, told me how he thought about being a serial killer or doing something terrible and these are just things that come into your head sometimes.
The good news is...it can improve. It has for me.
Don't let the setbacks get you down so much. Making progress is a wonderful feeling and it's normal to feel really discouraged when you take a step backwards, but that is all a part of the recovery.

Glad you are feeling better.

"You hear it all the time: a new experience cannot occur until you clear a space. It sounds like a cliche, but it is logical and true. If a house is full of clutter, there is no room for a new piano. You must clear away a space. If you buy a new refrigerator, you must get rid of the old one. It's logical.

Everyone knows its true — but how often do we resist this lesson when it comes to the clutter in our mind?
"We keep hatred, grievances, jealousy and limitation — all the while trying to move in HUGE new ideas like love, joy and abundance.


"These things literally will not fit in your mind while it is cluttered with old ideas"...
-- Lisa Natoli

A cluttered mind really is a terrible space to waste. Maybe it's time to pack away a few old beliefs and ideas along with those negative reactions that harm you so you can get on with the business of developing a beautifully blessed life...

May you always be willing to toss out the old and embrace that which is pure and good and beautiful...


~ Kate Nowak ~
Posted by: LINELLA BRECKENRIDGE

Thank you for your posts!

Candice36: I suddenly started feeling better like I mentioned in my post. Since then I've had thoughts coming but mostly I've been able to float with find and let them come and go. I think putting humor into the thoughts has been the most helpful thing for them, but there are other things that are helping as a combination with something else. Pretty much all the techniques I use are in Lesson 10. I was very scared to go through 10, because I was scared that I wouldn't find help in it, but I did. I'll test that flushing the thought down the toilet. I can already feel that my thoughts are improving gradually. I do find the setbacks disappointing, even if I know they're part of recovery. Thank you very much for your encouragement.

Annette: Thank you very much for your beautiful text. It is totally true. I'm working and doing my best cleaning away the old clutter in my mind and making space for good, peaceful and positive thoughts and things. I found your post very encouraging. Thank you.

Hello Satu

You are very welcome, I found the letting go of my thoughts so very helpful. I had more of them than I thought until I really slowed down and watch my self. It can be very frightening. And I also like you found lesson 10 scary also. Most of mine hit home in lesson 9. One thing I found was my mother-in-laws death really bothered me, I finally wrote her a letter and told her goodbye, guess I really never let her go. I had felt that I let her down by not being in the room when she passed. I was sitting with her in the hospital. Long story short- I wrote her a letter and took it to our lake with a rose (she loved roses) and let the float away, as it floated I let the guilt I carried (no one else felt I had guilt) and told her goodbye. That helped me so much.

Anyway thought I would share a little.

Have a good day