I was wondering when is time to call it quits in a relationship. I can't help but worry that we constantly argue is because of me and my temper with my crazy thinking. We been together almost 9 years. He would want to break up with me when ever I tell him that I am unhappy about a situation. In the back my head, I don't want to break up with him because what if it is me who is causing all the problem in the relationship. I don't want to feel quilty of making a wrong decision when I am still at this stage working with the program. But another part of me knows that he is trying to control me and I can't put up with it.

I just need some advice.

Sammi,

Good morning hon . I think the big questions here are.... Are you happy?? Do you think things would change if you and him wern't together anymore? Ask yourself those questions, see what you come up with. Perhaps you two don't need to "Break up", but just sorta take a break for a while, so that the both of you have time to think about what your needs are. Sorta give you time to clear your mind too. I think in a relationship it takes alot to have just ONE person causing all the problems, ya know what i mean? So don't go thinking that its all your fault. I hope that made sense. Over all, do whats best for you. As i said, if the relationship seems stressful, maybe just a little break is all you both need until you two can sort things out. Hmmm, i dont know if this is really gonna be all that helpful. Good luck to you in whatever you decide hon. Take good care!

Doyle

Sammi
I think what Doyle wrote is very true. You are the only one who knows if your happy. Take the time for yourself to sort things out. You've obviously been doing some thinking. These types are good at making you think in a different light, and perhaps make you deal with things differently. Don't be afraid to take care of yourself first. By making yourself happy, others around you will percieve this, and in turn be happy themselves. (that is if they truly want to be happy)
Sander

I agree with what Doyle and Sander said...however I've been going thru a similar situation myself, Sammi. The difference with me is that my boyfriend and i just moved in together, and i am unemployed and extremely depressed (there are days that i have such a hard time even getting out of bed...and i stay up late as a result and the cycle perpetuates!). He used to be very supportive, when we only saw each other on the weekends, and when my day to day depression didn't impact him as much... I feel like he is growing more irritated by my depression and how i react to things. The other night he heard me crying in when we were in bed and i thought he was asleep and was very sweet about everything for a day or two, but earlier tonight we got into a fight about me being "too sensitive" and how i need to "get a grip on everything." i just wish i knew if he was being insensitive or if i am being overly sensitive...i guess it's a combo. of both, eh? it scares me and makes me even more depressed. i have a potential job that looks very promissing (sp?), so i just keep telling myself that things will change and that will bring me out of my slump. sorry about the run-on sentences! oh, and Doyle...i love yr signature. that episode is classic! i just watched it last week...i can quote it like crazy!!

Thanks for all the suggestions,
Am I really happy? I don't even know what that means anymore. I think I was happy when I was a kid even though I know I have had anxiety since I was 10 years old. It was a more carefree happiness. I know I was happy when he was happy, but as soon as there is a problem, we just don't know how to soothe each other. Just like this afternoon we had a big arguement and of course we said things we don't mean, but to me he didn't hear a thing I said. With me I would repeat the words he said about me over and over in my head to see if I need to change or how can I defend myself. He said, "it's over between us and you wasted my time."
I am in Chapter 10 right now, but I noticed I am more stressful and more sensitive to his words and actions. I hated it that in Chapter 10 it suggested me to find someone who really cares about me to record the empowering statements on a tape because I was afraid I don't have that someone. Actually I was afraid that I will find out what I found out right now. I asked my boyfriend to help me, in the beginning he said," sure." He seemed very promising even promised me that he will do it the next day. (You see how sensitive I was, I needed him to promise me or maybe is because he let me down too many times) Anyway the next day came and he totally forgot about it and so I asked him again, well again he seem very promising said,"yes, yes..let me get a blank tape," (he didn't have one) so than he said, "tomorrow lets go get the tape before work." Well that tomorrow was this afternoon and that when we had the fight. He didn't buy any tape and when I asked him again. He replied me that I could record it myself like as a joke. When I told him I am serious and not joking he said he is still mad about what happened this afternoon and ignored me afterward.
That's what I was afraid I would find out that he don't really care after I had told him it requires someone who really cares about me to help me. Even though he knew about that, he ignored me and just carried on with the pool game on the computer.
Since we work together, I just left work first and he didn't even bother to call me because before left I had instant message him that if he wants to end the relationship it will be fine with me since that is what he wanted when we had the arguement.
So that's what happened and I am very hurt right now because he doesn't care at all. I cried and told myself I had cried for him too many times and it is not worth it. We had broke up so many times that people think we are a different kind of couples. Like breaking up doesn't mean anything. I feel that with me or without me in his life won't make any difference because he has always been happy. He rather go out with his friends. He can careless what happens to me and I am always the one who calls him back and ask him for another chance. I feel that he knows me too well. He knows that I will be back and he can control me very easily. He even told me that I can't blow dry my hair in the bathroom cause he needs to use it. I don't know was I being too sensitive? Are there really guys out there that are honest and don't play mind games? Guys that can be real and true. Why am I so afraid of being alone that I continue abuse myself? But the question was I totally right? How do I know when I have this anxiety condition?