i have so many things i regret doing in my life and i get stuck on them quite often. i wish i could go back and change them. there is one thing in particular that i wish i could let go of. it was so inappropriate for me to do this thing and i have beat myself up for well over a year. i have learned my lesson from these things and do not them anymore. i ask gods forgiveness quite often as well.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Pixie_tired,

Dear pixie,

What is done, is done!!! Everyone of us (i.e. every person in the world that is more than 5 years old) has done many things we wish we could undo.

Please forgive yourself and get on with your life. If you don't forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up, you will keep yourself from doing many things that are much more important than this one indiscretion!

You have learned a valuable lesson and you can use it to relate to others that have done things they regret. Use your experience (you don't have to tell what it was) to help others move on.

Now, every time that thought comes to your mind, tell yourself "I learned my lesson from that experience. It is in the past. I'm not going to waste my time and energy on something I cannnot change. Instead, I'm going to think about all the good things I'm going to do in the present and future."

You can do it. You are worth too much to allow this one thing to bring you down. Great things are in your future!!

Steve

thank you steve for replying to my post. it has helped calm me for the time being. i know how important it is to forgive myself. i do try but sometimes i feel like i really have no clue HOW. when i think of things i regret, i tell myself i'm in the process of forgiving myself, you don't do these things anymore and you are a good person today. i just get stuck and seem to come back to this mistake most often. i like to remind myself sometimes that i shouldn't be happy.

I too have had times when I would beat myself up about things I have done (or not done). I finally realized the people around me did not deserve to suffer because I was so involved in punishing myself. Also, punishing myself was ruining my present and future, and the present and future of my family, friends, and co-workers. If you can't stop punishing yourself for you, DO IT FOR THEM!!!

I know you "feel" you deserve your punishment, but in the big scheme of things, your infraction was not even a blip on the radar. You didn't hurt anyone. You didn't kill anyone. You didn't start any wars or take food away from starving people. You are a good person or you wouldn't have given your transgression a second thought. You have punished yourself way too much.

I'm not saying you should give up your principles. I'm saying you have more important things to focus on than this one event.

One of the things the program covers is "secondary benefits". Maybe being depressed gives you a benefit you are not ready to give up. Maybe that is why you keep bringing yourself back to this thing.

I know my depression gave me some benefits:
(1) If I'm depressed other people feel sorry for me and "baby" me.
(2) If I'm depressed I can be lazy and ignore my responsibilities.
(3) If I'm depressed I can punish people around me for perceived slights.

I bet you are a wonderful person. I bet your family and friends love you very much. You need to change your thought patterns and habits. You will be glad you did and so will those around you.

Steve