Hi everyone,
Lately, I've just had alot of worry and guilt on my mind. First I feel guilty for having this anxiety disorder, because of the effects on my kids....since my oldest son is showing signs of anxiety, I feel like it is my fault. This is a learned thing, right....well he learned it from me! I hate seeing my kids feel this way! My middle son is so sensitive, just like me and I worry that he'll also have anxiety problems. I try to help my oldest son, but he is resistant quite a bit of the time, so what do I do? It's so hard seeing your kids hurting! I feel tremendous guilt for this and it's been extremely hard for me to feel better.

Then I have this major problem with worry.....I worry about what other people think of me alot. I worry what other people think about what kind of mom I am, like do they think I'm a good one, do they think I do a good job teaching my kids right from wrong, etc. I worry about what kind of wife people think I am, too. I know this is showing low self esteem. I'm just in a rut feeling like I'm not good enough for anybody. I even feel some guilt over the time I want to put in to the program get over this anxiety disorder. It's like if I'm not doing something with my kids or for them, then I feel like I need to explain why I'm doing such and such a thing. Now that I'm looking back on what I just wrote, this is crazy being consumed with all this worry and guilt, but I need some suggestions....does anyone else feel this way while going through this?

Thanks for listening to me, I appreciate any input on this!

Dana

Dana

Well, I thought that if you didn't take care of #1 (yourself) then you will be of no good to anyone else. I do not have children but being a "mothering" type I know I always used to take care of other people and I put myself last. Well, that didn't work out to well. I ended up feeling used and tired. Anxiety disorders are part genetic, part learned behavior and part environment. Please do not geel guilty about this where your sons are concerned. You will pass to them all the skills you are learning through this program. You know that if you instill in them the power of positive, compassionate dialogue they will get through anything that comes up in there life. Your oldest son will come around when he is ready and your younger son can be a sensitive and caring person without that being an indication of anxiety. Take each day and each moment as they come. You are a wonderful mother and just the fact that you care so much shows that. No one else knows what it is like to be in your shoes so their opinion is of no value.
I know that I have felt the guilt before too. All the "nots" in my head...not taking my mom to Italy, not visiting my sister in Las Vegas more often (and enjoying the visit!), not being more spontaneous, not feeling relaxed...not having anymore time to dwell on the "nots"...I want to change them to do's. We both can and we both will. Guilt keeps you in the past and worry puts you in the future, lets try to stay in the present.

Silvana

Thank you Silvana so much for that wonderful post!! I do have to take good care of myself so I can be the best mommy, wife, friend, woman, etc. You are so right, thank you!!

Yeah, I know my oldest son will come around, I'm trying to help in a way that he doesn't realize I'm helping him. I'm also trying to teach him by example, the most powerful teaching there is. I have to look at it like, I have all these great skills, so I can pass them on. Thank you for helping me put it into perspective!! Your post are always so motivating!!

Dana

Dear Dana,
I feel exactly like you feel about the same things. I'm feel guilty about not taking care of my mother more when I'm doing all I can handle. I feel guilty when I can't spend as much time helping my grown daughters when perhaps I'm closer to them than many moms. I feel guilty not getting my secular work done. I felt very guilty after I spend 15 weeks on the MW program although I have absolutely no regrets having done it. I feel guilty about the lost time because while doing it I didn't work and I got very behind in my spiritual studies. I feel guilty when I talk to a friend about the things I'm anxious about and the time I have complained to her. And I feel guilty when I post some things I need help with on the forum because I feel that I should be okay with no failings and now people will know what I'm going through.

But guess what? I know better when I apply what I learned in the MW course. And besides this guilt is what keeps me trying because I'm still doing what I can which is my best for my family within my limitations. I'm just learning that's what modesty means and that I can and should accept and know my limitations without guilt. And my guilt makes me considerte to some degree of friends because I'm also trying not to take advantage of them nor take their listening for granted.

What I'm saying is, you having nothing to feel guilty about except for needlessly worrying about the very thing that makes you a great person. You love your family and people! You just need to work a little harder on loving yourself.

Victoria