Does anyone have feelings of nervousness when confronting someone with a problem.
This has happened to me one several occasions and left me feeling like "they" saw how nervous I was.
It left me feeling inferior.
Any suggestions would help.
Thanks

Devad,
I do get nervous when confronting someone. How nervous I get depends on who I am confronting. The only thing I can think of to tell you is to just keep practicing at it. My experience is that new behaviors get easier with use.

I read a book called "Your Perfect Right" and it was very helpful.

I tell myself that it's important that I push through the fear and confront the person, otherwise I might end up feeling worse about myself for not having confronted. I remind myself how good I will feel about me when I stand up for myself. Sometimes I promise to treat myself with a little something special for my effort.

I've noticed that the people who profess to be such good confronters are usually the ones who just talk about it, but don't do it. They are probably just as nervous as you are, maybe even moreso.

Forgive me for not remembering if you have the program - I can't remember from one post to the next. If you have the program, keep working it and review the lesson on assertiveness. Was it lesson 7? Try examining your thoughts about your feelings of inferiority. My guess is that you can shake those feelings by changing your thinking.

And remember to praise yourself for every little step you take towards confronting someone. It's those baby steps that take us up mountains!

Has there been a time recently that you've confronted someone? Give yourself praise for your courage!
Patti

Thank you Patti for your "words of wisdom"!
Yes, I am using the program and currently working on week #8, which incidently is on "assertiveness".
I have found my nervousness less obvious if the commentary I use is not pre-meditated and simply spoken from the heart. Of course after the fact, I always wish I had said something else, or something different. I am very happy with my progress in this area. The fact remains that I am now addressing issues of concern, rather than harbouring them. That "baby-step" makes a huge difference.
I enjoy reading your postings and replies on other subjects as well. You have much insight. Thank you for taking the time to help myself and others.
Devad

Devad,
Thanks - those were such sweet things you said! I'm not sure sometimes who gets more help - me or you guys!*!

Let me say that I am way so proud of you and how you are being so assertive! That's fantastic! What a great example of growth you are!

What a huge step you are taking in addressing concerns in a more timely manner. I think you are in for so much more growth!
Kudos
Patti

Devad,

Yes, that happened to me in 1996 with my brother. It's okay to be nervous or shaky. You are standing up for yourself and that's what counts. Don't give the shakes any power. Don't accept the thought of inferiority as your own. Let it come in, then say "I reject that thought" and put your mind on something else. Works for me.

Hi One of my problems was learning to stand up to the bullies in life.Well the first time my heart was just a beating and the second time it only raced a bit and the third time it did not race at all so it is Ok to feel nervous when you start speaking up. Before I did it the first time I just kept telling myself I have the right to state my feelings so I maintained the integrity of the other person as well as myself and I was so scared which was normal and now I find it is getting so much easier so it is just practice practice and each time it does get easier. Good Luck to you !!!! Timber