I feel like I am stuck on this one. I can find anything & everything to worry about & going back to the last lesson I can what if a lot too. My problems started in November I had a misscarriage, then I got sick, it took me a few weeks to get better. Then I developed OCD. I was so afraid of getting sick again, I am terrified of germs. To top it all of we started building a new home & recently found out we were being very misled by our builder & are going to have to take over & do it ourselves. I started the program quite some time ago & haven't been able to finish because of the house situation taking up so very much time. I thought I was getting much better with the OCD -- which is why I started the program. But since the added stress I feel like I am worse than I was in the 1st place. I spiral into the future & worry about trying to have another baby & I read that babys with disabilitys get sick more often. Then because of my OCD I think oh my gosh what if something was wrong with it & it got sick a lot. I worry that people will think our home is to large if we don't have more children. Then I feel guilty for even having a new home because some people are homeless (this is something new for me) And now I am questioning if I could even take care of a baby & not worry to death about keeping it safe.I worry about being able to afford our home now that we have been taken advantage of. You name it I can worry about it, I feel as if I am getting worse instead of better.Having a baby & building a home were both things I was excited about & they both turned into nightmares. I have no one to really talk to about any of this, my mom & husband really don't understand, & no one else knows about my thoughts. I am sorry for rambeling on & on but I am having such a hard time with everything right now, everything seems to be such a struggle even things that should be simple. I just had to get some of this off of my chest. Thanks in advance for any insite.

Hi. My name is Linda. I am a mother of twin boys, 11yrs old. I am 40ys old( wow, that even looks weird in print,lol) The first thing I would say is that you are not alone. As I am typing, I hope that none of what I say is misinterpeted. You have suffered a loss, and for that I am sorry. It takes time to deal with your grief; sometimes it takes a little longer. The house, well that is stressful enough. Believe it, I know. Part of my issues started during our remodel. I started freaking about the money....and bam! This is a time that you need to put yourself and your health first. It is very important......You are very important. I hope you know that. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I have been seeing one for several months, and it has been very helpful. As far as you husband or mother not understanding....don't expect them to. It will only add to your frustration. But I would also tell you not to try to figure this out on your own. Ask for help. I think that is very important. All the things that you are worrying about are scary thoughts........beyond your control. Worrying about them will only aid in your spiral. You are a very sensitive and caring person; that trait is very evident by your email.
It is those traits that you can actually count on in your journey to recovery. I am going to ask a personal question and if you do not want to answer, just don't. When you say that no one knows what you are going through, does that mean that you have not discussed your feelings with your husband. Are you afraid of his response. Does he tell you to just snap out of it. That seems to be an easy response from people. What I am suggesting is that you seek out help. A therapist may help you alot along with your program. You can consult with your dr, or your ob for a referral. Reach out. You are already doing it. This may help you move forward. I could ramble all day. I just want you to know that we are all listening. I wish you peace and understanding. It will come. Sometimes just doing things to get out of your own head helps. Yoga, meditation, exercise, reading. I have reduced my t.v. watching. The news is very depressing; may I suggest you avoid it for now. Journaling is a good way to get the thoughts out of your head and on to the paper; not necessarily to reread and re hash, just to get out. Write without breaks......just write.
My best to you. Linda

Thank you for responding. I did see a therapist for awhile, but I went away feeling more frustrated than before. She would just nod & say well it sounds like you are doing the best you can & really didn't offer any real suggestions on how to get better. Since then I have had to switch insurance & such things are not covered. We really can't afford it right now. My husband is very supportive & for that I am grateful,he does try to help. I feel as if I bring him down as well& just make my mom worry about me. I've been trying my best to not to put my problems on them & be more upbeat,but it is hard.I keep thinking when I see an end to our situation & see that we will be able to move in our home I can move forward. I will try the writing. Thank you again for responding.