Could anyone offer some guidance? I understand about guilt that serves no purpose - when you haven't done anything wrong, or the thought process is not true and also about forgiveness - asking for it and giving it when appropriate. I get the portion the futility of "what if" thinking. But what about shame over things in your life that you had no control or little control over? Or the losses that can't be made right by putting your mind to it? The members of the group have touched on some of these issues that cause shame - such as growing up with an alcholic or having been abused or infertility when you want a baby more than life. But none have discussed how they let go of the sense of shame. I need to know how to let go of it.

Dear Rose,
Shame is a really hard thing to overcome. It seems to be imbedded into your soul and makes you feel bad about yourself.
I deal with this too.
A couple of things that have helped me is I remind myself that what I went through as a child or even an adult was then, I had no control over it at that time, but now at this present moment it is not going on and things are different now, if that same situation came up now I would be able to deal with it differently and have a different outcome.
Somethings I am ashamed of were my own choices I made, wishing I had gone a different route. I again remind myself that at that time I made the decision to the best of my knowledge and the circumstances that were involved and again that was then, this is part of the "growing up" process we learn from our mistakes and probably are able to help other people with our experience.

One more thing that has helped me, ( and I don't do this with everybody) is I talk about some of these things to friends and find out they had simular experiences, so we are not alone.

I hope some of this helps you. In reality, you don't have anything to be ashamed of.

Take care
Sherra

i had this problem for a long time. till i realized if there was something that happened to me in my past, i had no control over, then it wasnt my shame, it was the person who did its shame. Sometimes espcially as children, we dont have control over situations because we are children. The only emotion we can have is shame for what has happened to us. But, dont claim that shame if you couldnt of done anything about what happened. ITs not yours to own. There are situaions in life WE can control, others because of circumstance we cant. Let it go, and Move on to Today. The past cant be changed, but the Present Can. God Bless YOu