I don't know if any of you watch American Idol, but they had a special called Idol gives back. You can donate to help less fortunate people. It really broke my heart when I saw the conditions people lived in. Part of me wants to donate but also, i feel like it's a 'should'. im getting anxious just by thinking of putting my personal information in to do it. Part of me wants to donate but part of me doesnt, and that makes me feel like im a bad person, even when i know im far from that. any advice?

There are many wonderful causes out there, Noelle. It's impossible to donate to them all. Pick the one or ones that you would like to donate to and then stick to those. When others come along and guilt sets in just remind yourself that you have your causes and that will have to be enough.

Also, I am sure you have seen other programs or adds either on tv or in magazines that reflect the disasters and tragedies in life that can happen and do occur. For some reason your obsessive mind picked up on this one in particular. (Only because that is the nature of the obsessive mind.) Breathe into it. Always use your breath to relax and calm you. Remind yourself that it's just your ocd and you do not have to contribute to everything that you read, see or hear about.

Remind yourself: "I'm still a good person even if I don't donate to any cause."

Eventually the feelings will subside. Remember to nuture yourself. Don't judge.

Noelle -

I watched that too. This is going to sounds cold, and I don't mean it to because I was very touched by that show as well, but people go to school to learn how to market and sell product. And the product that they were selling was a good cause, no doubt...but the pay-out was sympathy and donations. What I'm saying is - you did exactly what they wanted you to do...feel sympathy for the less fortunate.

That is NOT a bad thing. That you feel sympathy is wonderful - it shows what a caring and compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic person you are! Someone said on one of the sessions in this program that you should do (or insert "give" here) because you want to - not because you feel like you should.

I mean - imagine that you were sick and your neighbor/husband/boyfriend/friend/mother/whomever came to bring you dinner. Would you want them to come with an attitude of "I should do this...everyone else does things like this...I'm supposed to do this..." or just because they wanted to? Your place would be happier with the second one.

If you feel really bad still, look up in your yellow pages for a women's shelter, or a Veteran's center, or a homeless shelter...or any church or charitable organization near you and donate something there. Often it isn't so much money that they need...some need clothes...or food...or give of your time!

Giving to others can make us feel so good! You sounds like such a kind-hearted person, so I know that you'd be such a blessing to others as well!

Blessings,
Dawn

Boon and Dawn,

Thank you for such the kind words. I think I knew what both of you were saying, but I just needed that boost of confidence. I always wanted to help out at the soup kitchen or some volunteering center, so maybe I can do that. It definitely does make you feel good when you forget about yourself for a while, and take the time to help others who really need it.

I think you have such a kind heart to want to donate, but I will agree there was a lot of pressure in those ads. The others are right in saying you may be more comfortable helping at home whether it be time, talents, old clothes, money- whatever you can give. It will some back to you ten fold in some way. I truly believe when you give, what you have left is blessed to last longer, go further, stretch out- you name it. Not to mention th feel-good feeling you get when you give from the heart.
You might even have a less fortunate relative or neighbor child who could use a new outfit or a trip to the movies or park or lunch at McDonald's. And little things can go a long way like paying someone's toll fare behind you or feeding a run out parking meter.
Hope thi helps. You sound like a really compassionate person.

Noelle,

I too want to donate to soooo many causes, but my wallet like most of us has a limit .

What I have tried to do is keep my money local. I donate to the church I attend, I buy groceries for our local food pantry and animal shelter, I donate (as well as organize the efforts and collection) to fellow students at my college when they have a crisis. Last year a very young single mom with 3 kids home burned, and they lost everything. I started a departmental collection as well as efforts with student life to obtain donations through the community.

My heart calls to helps those near me. I guess I just go by the "help your neighbors in your own backyard before you help others" mentality. I know there are people in our community that have no medical, dental, lack of money, groceries, lost jobs, their home so I try to help in my own community. I also know that I cannot "save the world" but I can help when my time and budget permits. If my budget is tight I help with my time more. If I am tight on budget and time I still try to do what I can knowing even a "little" helps someone. A "little" is better than nothing.

We also have started to be a foster home for neglected, abused schnauzers through a local rescue. Just knowing we took a dog whos life was "worthless" to someone else and gave that dog a voice, a second chance at life is really SOMETHING HUGE . I have seen my sister foster dogs and to see the happiness, the smiles and wagging tail...to see that dog go from deaths door due to neglect/ignorance or at a shelter that is overcrowded the shelter needs to make a "decision", to that dog being placed with a LOVING home that WANTS them is truly priceless!

Just be comfortable with WHAT you can do/afford.

KNow that doing SOMETHING IS making a difference!

Im the same way....I would take in every orphaned child and every homeless pet if I could. But I cant. So I tell myself Good job for having the kids and pets I do and taking care of them best I can. I give when I can and I feel good about helping and I tell myself that if everyone gave a little someway the way I do and many others it will and does make a difference.

Even if I couldnt donate any money to the cause for idol I can make sure that Im kind to people in need around me. An act of kindness no matter how small inspires that person to do so as well...so next time you see an elderly person at the grocery alone dont ask to help her say Let me help you and do so.....next time you see a child crying say its going to be ok.....and help.

Generousity is not always measured in dollars and cents.

You all sound like very caring people dont feel sad for what you cant do be proud of what you do do to make that difference.

Dodger

Noelle,
enabling another's dependance is a bad thing, no matter how well-intentioned.

If you're talking about the segment about black African's, let me just say that they'll never get out of the hole that they're in if they don't do it themselves. I think that's simply how they are.

The good intentioned help the world has given them so far very possibly may have been a detriment for them by allowing a population explosion that has lead to their current state of living!

Don't feel guilty. Take if off your shoulders, it's not your fault.

Feel guilty if you hurt someone else, not for a reason that has nothing to do with you.

Wow MinnChad-

Did you desire that your comments here appear very negative, condescending, and racist towards African Americans?... Did you know that statistically there are more poor Caucasians that are affected by poverty in America and Hurricane Katrina, than African Americans?

minnchad,
whatyou said was not fair to the anyone that you spoke about. there are people of every color that are poor. so do not take it for granted that its only blacks that are poor..i think that you owe an apology to the people that you might have offended and know that some have tried to come out of the ditch but its people like you that keep kicking them back in..i hope that this helps you know how others feel..
in fact there was people on there singing a christain song and right after a comedian that was cursing..but they are above all this because they are famous.take care and be blessed.
don
its not the color of a mans skin but what inside his heart. that is why i prayed that GOD would help us find a church that was like that and he did.i hope that you are in the program and it helps you.thanks.

D,

I think you are a bigot in your own way by trying to dictate what others opinions should be.

That's a very fascist attitude that you have towards my opinion. I believe many people have been conditioned to enable poverty among Africans in particular, and while I may have pointed them out, it was in no way racist.

I think if you re-read my post and thought about it carefully, you might reconsider your position.

Enlightened,

I wasn't talking about Katrina, or even America for that matter.
You do bring up an interesting point though. I didn't know that more Caucasian people were affected by that hurricane than black people. Thank you for bringing that up. By the news coverage, I assumed that it was only blacks that were affected.

Chad -

Unfortunately we don't know whether money (or anything else for that matter) that we give to ANY cause enables a person or group of people or provides a way to help them out of that situation. I personally, have spent way too much time myself being sekptical and negative and critical...if my conscience leads me to give to a cause then I will give with the best hope and faith that I will not be enabling, but rather assisting.

I am just curious - and not being critical of your comments at all - how (if at all) would you propose to help someone in need? The segment on the show in Appalachia (in Clay Co. KY) particularly touched me...but I'd open this up to any location in any country. Should we help...and if so...how? I'm very interested in hearing your opinion on this matter as it would help me better understand your previous post.

Thanks,
Dawn

Mom,

Thank you for not replying with a knee jerk reaction!
Based on the the current view of things, I'm actually surprised by your proportionally reactive post.

The reason I assumed black Africans is because that's what I've seen in the past, but onto my reply.

I could have different replies based on a variety of situations. I wouldn't be so close minded as to try and give one solution for all examples of poverty. That wouldn't be fair.

My view on the African problem is only on the African problem. Yes, it is the black Africans that the world has enabled for irresponsibility by the continuing generosity towards them. Some may call it 'outreach', but after so many years, so many billions of dollars, so many tons of food, so much education, and so much continued guidance, it becomes a difficult decision.

Should the world as a whole continue to feed those who are taking a mile for every inch given and overpopulating their own, and other peoples countries, because of it?

Let's look at another example besides blacks.

Let's take those poor communities in remote parts of the USA. It could even include the one in KY.

They are white, yet still poor. They're living in conditions that would be difficult for most people in the civilized parts of the world.
The difference I know between them and some other groups is that they aren't being helped by the United Nations and most of the American media doesn't give them the time of day.

Since I believe in donating to the people who need the most help, I would personally donate to the poor people in KY or any other people who are being ignored by television.

One more quick example. Let's take Russia for instance. They are poor as well, yet I don't see any groups lining up to give them assistance, and that most certainly includes well off African American groups.

So go ahead and say what you will about me or my posts, but as a person, I believe in impartial treatment, unfortunately, it's simply not a rule that's being followed in this day and age.

If anyone reading has made it this far without being reactionary, you're doing well.

I believe I have valid points and I will not back away from what I believe is fair!

Chad, I appreciate your comments and your responding to my questions.

I do see where you are coming from and actually I agree on some levels with some of the things you said. Not the least of which was that the media had totally ignored (or mostly ignored) the abject poverty in areas like Appalachia (KY and other affected areas in that region) and I think it's deplorable.

It can be easy to get a jaded view on donations as well. I worked personally with a group to try and facilitate a donation of used school desks which were stacked in a warehouse collecting dust to a school in the KY area. We finally reached what I thought was a good agreement, when the donor group decided it was not in their best interest to do this. What in the...? So the desks sat in the warehouse until they were THROWN away. Yep...

I shared that to say that the liberal "dosing of contributions" can give rise to doubt, frustration, and, well let's face it, corruption, but also the other side of the coin - the NOT giving...can cause negative problems and feelings as well.

I just don't believe that we need to let THAT govern our empathy. And I see that you are NOT unsympathetic...and you do make some valid points.

In my opinion, the best thing to do is if you see a need...and it is viable...and you can...meet it. There were several creative ways mentioned in these posts - I'm thinking of those by Bev and SchnauzerMom particularly.

I can't know that every homeless guy I see on the street isn't a professional panhandler. So I DO wonder and second-guess giving them money. I think that makes us discerning, but I suppose it could also be seen as cynical!

There are groups working with people like in Russia, but the media is not big on talking about faith-based groups (more often than not). Heaven forbid if someone gets a Bible with the food. Or has prayer after building a new house!

The organization that I work for has a satellite agricultural program that raises goats and seed for poor areas in South America, Africa, and the Caribbean - primarily, but there are other places as well. Anyhow - the goats are supposed to provide milk and to breed and eventually have a sustainable "crop" for meat and milk purposes...no matter what is said or taught though - the goats generally don't make it "on location" longer than the next meal. So...I get what you are saying. People have to have the desire to not just take hand-outs, but to improve their lives...and work for the improvement with the donors, quite often!

Thanks for sharing your perspective, I hope you didn't mind me sharing mine as well. I just think if we all did SOMETHING every day for someone else (call me naive or utopian-minded...whatever! ) our world would be a better place...in general.

Blessings,
Dawn

Wow Chad ---

I still think that a little due diligence behind your "beliefs" might help you.

There are poor people in EVERY race... why the focus on "black Africans"?

I have seen ministry programs soliciting donations for poor Russians, poor Phillipinos, poor Mexicans, poor Indians, etc., etc., (i.e. Feed the Children and Life today) and I have given to these causes...

Have you studied American History or African History from a holistic point of view?

Do you understand that much of African wealth in its rich resources of gold, diamonds, oil, and other precious stones have been seized/stolen and continue to be stolen by various other nations? Maybe this may have contributed to the poverty level in Africa...

To state that all "black Africans" are recipients of handouts and that the whole population of "black Africans" are "irresponsibl[e]" is very far from the truth...

There are many established cities and business owners and government officials in Africa from the "black African" population....

So I really do not get your logic here...
it is a bit skewed...

Where the confusion comes in is that the subject referenced a program aired on American Idol... from this your statements about "black Africans" would imply African Americans...

In reference to your example of "whites, yet still poor ... in KY" they also have access to welfare and if they are at a particular income, they probably do receive welfare... The government does not give out special preferential treatment to African Americans nor discriminate against poor whites in KY...

With reference to American Welfare statistics:
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/L-welfareblack.htm

Everyone has the ability to apply for welfare there is no bias...

With reference to African Americans, there are numerous billionare and multi-millionare African American entrepreneurs in various sectors of business that continue to contribute to society. In addition, there are many African Americans who are gainfully employed. They are very responsible...

No one gets preferential treatment unless the government is trying to correct an national error in an effort to remedy the 'ill of society' (i.e. Japanese-Americans received reparations for the bad treatment they received during World War II, and All Minorities (non-white) in America have Affirmative Action in certain places where they have been disenfranchised... history plays a key role in understanding how these types of remedies are issued)

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