Last year I had a hard time getting over a bad breakup and I got really close to a friend of mine. This person was super supportive and called me every couple of days because they didn't live in the same province. Overtime though, cumulative intimidation and uneasiness developed on my end from their character and I explained to them my distress. They were a little puzzled but were glad that I got it off my chest. A couple of months later I had heard that they had a girlfriend when they were home for the holidays while they were spending time with me(not telling me?). I hadn't the slightest clue how to approach it because I was scared. All I could think of doing was writing an email that said I was very disappointed in them. They called me immature and I tried to explain why I was upset. I was also finally off my Paxil that I was on for almost a year and things seemed different in my life and I was super sensitive to things. I was so scared to give a defence I had a friend help me write and email to defend myself because I was that intimidated.

I got an email back that said they no longer wished to speak to me. I apologized because they were upset that I thought that of them. The email sent to them was a little mean, but I have always had a hard time standing up for myself. I had also tried explaining how I was actually feeling since we hadn't talked in a long time because I felt like I was in the wrong. They said that they didn't care and that they meant it when they said they didn't want to talk to me anymore. This happened in August and I still feel guilty for what happened. I'm back on an anti-depressant and it has helped me, but this person makes me feel the lowest of low and I felt small around them anyway. I stood up to them and said, " Although wonderfully supportive, overtime your hurtful comments and ridiculing shows just how much the military has influence your psyche. Despite whatever interaction we had, and factors involved with distance, etc. I am still a person with feelings. Whether you mean it or not, your selfish distain for the feelings of others shows your inconsideration because of your arrogance and conceit." They changed their story from "I like you", to "we were just friends", to 'I gave you consideration", to "I wish in all honesty we could have gone out separate ways before Christmas". Bouncing back in forth in a way that confused me.

I'm scared to death of this person, to the point that I have had nightmares of them yelling at me. Words put in my mouth, scapegoated and they told me that I was wasting my time trying to justify it with whatever excuses I could come up with for coming off Paxil. I was not a very happy person this summer coming off my meds. I suffer from Major Depression and their uncle is my Family Doctor. It told them about working with a wide variety of professionals and that if they're calling my feelings and SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome and excuse that they are insulting their own relative as well.

My marks suffered in university because I would cry in class from the mind games. Was I so wrong to confront this person by saying, "All I can say is that I'm very disappointed in you" from hearing something from their second mom? Am I that bad of a person... I cry so much inside because I feel at fault.

Dear Nata,

Why is it that we continue to go to people who have made it clear that they are unable to be a positive in our lives?

It is good to stand up for oneself. What did you learn by doing this? Are you now questioning HOW you stood up for yourself? That's ok, learn from it. If you think you came across too strong, too defensive..., well, let's not cry over spilt milk (another one of my mom's fav.old sayings) We can't have it both ways. If we spilled the milk, we do our best to clean it up and MOVE on.

Stop dwelling-review lesson 10 to see how one goes about stopping. ]

Best to you, Carolyn

No, I'm not questioning how I stood up for myself. He uses strong terminology to get his message across to people as well. I've never stood up for myself so strongly before and I'm actually quite proud of myself. My writing skills have improved dramatically, especially after watching Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice so many times with my mother. If no one has seen it before I highly recommend it. It tells a story of how pride and prejudice works in the real world.

I think my problem was trying to get over how I couldn't stand up for myself before then. I am feeling much much better now though since I said something; it needed to be done.