Hi All -

I started to date someone new. We've been on 5 dates. I'm not sure about him and since it is a long distance relationship, and he lives an hour and 1/2 away there is usually a couple of weeks in between dates. I used to be very shy which I have overcome quite a bit. However, it still comes out while dating.

I'm not sure if I'm not giving this guy a fair chance or he is really not the right guy for me. I'm not sure if this is just my anxiety or my intuition is on track.

I don't feel real attracted to him physically yet and since we are both a little on the quiet side, the personality chemistry is not present (at this time) either.

I keep analyzing this and I don't know what to do. I'd love to feel excited about the relationship, but something feels off to me.

Since he is divorced and has two children he is not available every other weekend. That coupled with the distance is making this even harder.

He seems to be very attracted to me and made some advances the other night when we were together. I went along to a certain point and didn't let it escalate.

I told later on the phone that I needed to take things slow and sent him an email last night to explain further that I think it went further than I was comfortable with.

I feel very confused...

You are "in your head" - what is your body telling you? If you aren't interested in him, there is nothing wrong with that...usually with long-distance relationships, you can get to know someone over the phone and you can tell if there is chemistry. I had a long distance relationship and I wasn't sure if I was initially attracted to this guy, but our conversations were awesome...and it made me so much more attracted to him. When we got together, I just "knew" there was no analyzing.

Hope that helps

Hi Gayle -

Thanks! Since he has a demanding job and is divorced with 2 children he is very devoted to we don't talk often on the phone. Also, he seems on the quiet side so the conversation chemisty hasn't gotten off the ground yet either. He also hasn't responded to my last email which was 3 days ago.

he may (or may not) be a nice guy - but you deserve more...sounds like you guys want different things?

Thanks Gayle -

I think you are right. I emailed him to explain that I'd like to take things slow and haven't heard back from. I didn't mean that slow...Ha Ha. Anyway,just the fact that he didn't respond tells me something about his character I guess.

I thought the message was not harsh at all.

Well, best I find out now rather than later....

Take Care and thanks for the great advice!!

Hi,
You said "something feels off to me." I think you should trust your instinct. Also, 5 dates is usually enough to at least tell if you want to continue seeing a person...sounds like you are trying to "talk yourself into liking him." He might be a perfectly nice guy - just not the right one for you. This is my opinion. Don't worry about him not answering your email. You did the right thing. Just let it (him) go and move on. Good Luck!
Cindy

Thanks Cindy,

I appreciate your writing back. You're right I should trust my own instincts. The first couple of dates felt ok, but then it felt off after that.

I had social anxiety for years and didn't really start dating until my late thirties. I want to meet someone very much and have a companion in my life. So I try to give it a fair chance. Unfortunately, I'm very much ready and have been for the last 7 years or so and haven't had any luck at it. I'm quite lonely.....

I understand that feeling - have you ever read the book "healing your aloneness" by Erika Chopich and Margaret Paul...I would highly recommend it

Thanks Gayle. I will definitely check that out.
I'm glad to hear it was of help to you....I'm still trying different avenues of meeting people. I can't give up...

Just remember to treat yourself like your best friend and people will be drawn to you.

Thanks Gayle....

That's great advice. I've been having a tough time lately. But I'm trying to really get through this. One of my problems is being lonely and have been for quite some time. It's not fun and it makes my obsessive thinking really come out strong. Which also leads to negative thinking about myself. I appreciate your advice. It's very comforting.

Take Care,
Jill

Jibjea........Follow your HEART and Gut and intuition!! I don't remember you saying you were divorced or had children; but some guys want someone to "care for their kids". If the communication is cool: that's a big pblm. I'm sure you know the key to building special closenes is COMMUNICATION.. There are plenty fish in the sea..... Gayle has some good points; You HAVE to be able to love yourself b4 you want to TRY to love someone else!! Don't worry: take your time.