I have been divorced a little over 3 years. I have 4 kids and joint custody. I know both of us are responsible for the divorce. I still carry a lot of guilt because my kids are doing bad in school, acting out etc. I filed for divorce and keep thinking if I worked harder at the relationship than my ex I could of held the marriage together no matter how bad things got between us. I have been through the program and have improved with the last mountain to cross is the endless guilt feelings.

Guilt is manmade. It is not created by some outside force. I once had a therapist say to me a long time ago: "Leave the guilt for the criminals." This really helped to put it in perspective.

We are so hard on ourselves and if this occurred to someone else in your life what would you say to that person? How kind we are to others and how heartless we are to ourselves.

You made a decision that felt right at the time. Your chldren will need to adjust, I know, If the relationship was not good for you then it probably was not good for them either.

Like any emotion - feel it. Breathe into it, but do not talk back to it and try to make it go away. Don't try to make it better. This is impossible. Just allow yourself to feel it. In time it will pass or become less and certainly with less emotional impact for you.

This will bring you back to the present moment and better able you to deal with the day to day challenges and adjustments that your children are going through. You must expect this and not judge them either. You'll do the right thing to help and guide them creating a secure foundation for them to manage through any and all hurdles that life will present and, in fact, does present to us all the time.

Perhaps a local counselor can help you to help them as well.

Practice allowing those feelings, but do not beat yourself up with them. Feelings are feelings and you help them to pass by accepting them.