Tonight, I got an email from my Dad chiding me for not sending my Mother a Mother's day card. My parents left for vacation a couple of days before Mother's Day and were not due to return until the end of this coming week. So, I thought I'd send it this week and she would get it upon return. (I'd already apologized for not sending it before they left). I called my Mom on her cell phone on Mother's Day, as well.
Anyway, bad weather made them return early and my Dad sent me the email. He is famous for making me feel guilty. This time, instead of stewing about it, I sent back an email saying something to the effect that I would hope that my strong relationship with my mother would override my sending a card late (for the first time!) to her and that I'm capable of mistakes, like everyone else. I also said that I'm over feeling guilty about such trivial things - I called it my "first revelation of middle age" - (I'll be 40 this weekend). I have no idea what kind of reaction I'll get, but I feel so much better reacting this way than taking the bait, like I usually do! I haven't given my parents 5 mintues of worry my entire life, so a late card should be acceptable once in a while!
I expect my parents will try the same thing when I next contact them since I still haven't called. I cried about it all day last Sunday because I didn't want to call but also didn't want to get the guilting.
It's great that you stood up to your dad. He may have tried to make you feel guilty but it looks like he didn't succeed this time. Good for you!
You know, someone passed me something via email recently that really spoke to me, and those of us who let little things grow into big things (something I'm famous for). Like your not calling your Mom - you'll be upset about it for days, weeks, before it's resolved - either they'll call you to reprimand you, or you'll finally call.
Anyway, it was an analogy about how holding a glass of water isn't difficult. But try holding a glass of water for a few minutes, an hour, a day, a week?? How heavy would that little glass of water feel after a day or a week? Little problems grow huge when we hold onto them without resolving them. This is definitely one lesson I really need to learn! And with my Dad, the old me would likely have let it drag on and on. Well, interestingly, I got an email back from my Dad saying that he understands that sometimes people forget things, but that a card would really mean a lot to my Mom. I respected that, and today actually sent her a big bouquet of flowers. I was not "guilted" into it - I wanted to do it. There's a big difference. And what started yesterday aftenoon, is now put to bed and I don't have to think about it anymore. Yea!
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