forgive me if this is out of line or inappropriate in this format, but how many of you out there feel like yyou're the most insificant person in the world? no platitudes please, just a reality check. thanks

CD-

I have to say that I do at times. I tell people, especially family, that it feels like I'm invisible. If it weren't necessary for me to do laundry and dishes, which it isn't, I don't see a reason for me to be around. I don't contribute to my finaces or do anything my husband can do without me. I know what you mean and it hurts, but it is a struggle we need to get passed. We are hear to heal and find significance in our lives. I believe we all can do it - through the anxiety and depression - I am working on it and I'm sure you are as well or you wouldn't have bothered buying the program and coming onto support, right? I know we're all working at it - one step at a time.

Good luck to you and your journey through these issues. We are all here for support and I hope you find it through our posts. -J

I can relate.
It's what I live with every.single.day.of.my.life.
and I have huge amounts of compassion for anyone else out there who feels as I do.

I'm a ghost.

I try to be heard and to be seen. Sometimes I feel as if I "bleed through" to the real world, but they only catch fragments of my attempts.

One morning not too long ago, I woke up with a mean surge of adrenaline, as per the norm. It was 4:17 a.m. I wake up at this time every morning but I glanced at the clock anyway. After pulling the blankets up to my chin and opening my eyes, trying to adjust my vision to the darkness around me, I realized something: if in that moment I were to turn to a dust mite or a teensy dust bunny or a feather from one of my pillows, I would be a VERY long time before ANYone would realize I had vanished. Even then, it would only be my two sons that would possibly miss my existence.

I told my therapist that and she exclaimed and made a fuss and I honestly don't know what or why she went on and on about. Something to the effect of "oh no, you must'nt think that way"...yadda yadda yadda. Why the hell not?
At the time, I felt completely detached from my realization. Now, while I still feel the validity of it, I feel despair to my very core.

I don't wish to be a ghost.

I want to matter.
I want to be on someone's mind.
I want to be visible.
I want to be heard, even if what I have to say right now isn't all friggin' Mary Poppins n' Candyland fluff.

So yeah, I can relate. I can relate and I'm crying and praying for you tonight as well, colorado dreamer. I hope someone looks at you - not through you - tomorrow or the next day..I mean looks deeply into your eyes and tells you that you DO matter, that you ARE loved. I hope and pray someone tells you to HANG ON and I pray you have something or someone to hang on TO.

All we really need to do is keep breathing, right? Inhale...exhale...

Shelby