Hello all,

I have spent the last week and a half reading the materials from the appropriate weeks and listening to the tapes. I can identify with many, many of the people and especially with many of you who have replied to my prior posts.

2 things: Yesterday, I had an "attack". I felt the feelings come on, I knew what it was, I tried talking myself out of it and distract myself, and then "the voice" takes over and says " the heck with this" ...and let the "feeling" take over, went, got myself a diet Coke (caffeine, I know), had a hot chocolate an hour later (sugar and caffeine), and gave up even trying to fight it. Failure??? I sure think so (Me, not the program)

2nd: I am referring to my incident as a "feeling". Everything I have been reading, hearing, and emailing, has involved :"panic" or "anxiety". I don't feel panic at all. It manifests itself as anger and anxiety. I get immediately defensive, not physically in any way shape or form, but I am prepared to argue, and protect my position. I work myself up with anger, I feel it, I know it, and I have done this for years. Years of trying to "find who to blame" then, after "The Oz Principle" I took responsibility (and eventually blame) for everything....

Today on my commute for work, listening to CD#2, a car sped past me and almost sideswiped me - I immediately snapped into a very angry mood (didn;t do anything - just got inward anger). A truck wanted to pass me and flashed his lights , again, the anger feelings came back.

The feelings are intense but inwardly focused. I would not act out and hurt someone, but I shut down, I do not think rationally, I get defensive, and I keep the frustration inside - Perhaps it's not abger, but frustration I feel??

I am sorry this post is so long? Looking at this program, I feel I have a square plug for a round hole. Make sense??? Will this program really help me? I'm a mess today - and I took my "Good Days".

Jim

hello,i'm sorry to here you had a bad day,but they do get better,i have found that my bad days have become less and less.
first of all you really should stop the sugar and caffine,they trigger anxiety.
second,i was wondering how far you are in the program?cuz i think its session 6 that deals with anger and that one might relly help you.

good like,and better day



"what you thought was real in life can somehow stear you wrong"

I have had thousands of of bad days and I can trace them to caffiene intake or withdrawl. Caffeine and sugar make me insane nothing makes sense. I have recently stopped two diet Dr. Peppers a day because because I could not function mentally.

Do some research online. Reasearch shows that a lot of mental problems are related to caffeine and if the caffeine is stopped most of the symptoms will go away over time.

Caffeine really hurts a lot of people.

I wish this site had a detailed catagory on the effects of caffeine.

Have a better day.

Sounds like we're dealing with the same thing.

This anger - do you take it out on others verbally? Yell at them? Get cranky way too easily?

Jim,

Wow! ok if I had to choose any one person who described the way I feel most of the time...its you. I get angry for the dumbest crap....and all I want to do is fight....I will even make up stuff to throw at my husband just so I can argue and get anger out....I feel enraged...but never have it come out in physical forms......I just feel like yelling and screaming and being mad...........and then it will go away and leave me thinking ....what the heck was I mad at again......Wow...it is sooo weird how many of us feel the same things........

Yeah, that sounds about right...

I thought it was me. It is not panic (at least not how I see it). It is definitely an angry, extremely frustrated feeling. It is like I am being wound up like a rubber band, tighter and tighter. Like many of you said, I don't physically release the aggression (and I don't fear doing that), I yell, become very focused on what is going wrong, pinpoint who is to blame (if any) get very defensive, aggravated, frustrated, need to vent, but have no where to vent it - no one understands. And afterwards, I have to re-establish communications - have to almost apologise for the outbreak...and then it begins again. Anything can trigger it...

Totally, right on with all of that. I'm trying to learn my triggers....I think that I figure out what one is and then something stupid makes it happen and the idea goes out the window.....somedays I just wake up and its like my head is convinced to be pissed off........and no matter how hard I try....my day sucks and I make all the ones around me feel it.....especially my husband.......And I feel like I apologize but I'm not quite sure why i'm apologizing...cause I don't really know why I was mad....other than I just felt like it..........I feel like a nut job for real.

When I think about it, I know my reaction is completely defensive, like the small animal that puffs up and makes a lot of noise to scare its hunter.

My trigger is hair thin but inconsistent. One day, you could hit me with every problem in the world, and it rolls right off, the next day I get a poorly worded email, and I have a fit.

I don't think I am confident in myself, so I use the anger, yelling, defensiveness, and quick trigger to defend myself , Sort of like shooting a bee hive with a cluster bomb.

Jim

Yes......exactly. And trying to talk myself out of all this does not really help....I don't know if I do it wrong......but once I get this way....it is hard for someone else to talk me out of it especially my husband he just ticks me off more.....I realize he is trying to help...but he doesn't help..........

Jim,
I feel you are in the right place. Don't get caught up in the "words", panic or anger. They both tear us apart inside and isolate us from others.
This program will probably teach you alot and get you on a road to recovery.
I have suffered for more than 30 yrs. I got sober from alcohol abuse thinking that was the problem only to find that I am bi-polar & ADD. So the medicines began 17 yrs ago.
All I ever said to my docters was that there was so much FEAR present in my life. I never used the word "anxiety". I never even told anyone about the "panic attacks".
I just thought it was always my fault. My lack of confidence & self esteem that got me in such upset.
Everything you are doing will lead you to the TRUTH. Your personal truth about what happens in your body and why you get so angry when someone almost side swipes you or if I may call it roadrage does come over you.
Stay on the path.Do your best to moniter the sugar /caffine. Take your heart and quality of life into consideration.
You already have or you wouldn't have gotten this program.
Susie