Hi, I just found out by having to face some real painful issues about my family that this depression and anxiety has caused many of the stupid choices I have made in life. I've been such a fool. After 27yrs of marriage, I thought the problem was my husband. I ran from situations for years. Got divorced and remarried in a matter of a year. Now as I have settled down and able to think, I see so much pain and want to run. The regrets are overwhelming. My new husband is 10yrs older and never experienced being around depressed people. He got me the program and I began the intro the other day. I've pulled away from him and am becoming housebound. Not wanting to be around people because I've gained weight and am ashamed of how many people I've hurt by the divorce. God has been helping me gradually see myself and I'm learning that I don't know how to love. I wish to go back to my first husband who I hurt terribly and now I'm hurting my current husband. 27yrs doesn't go away and I can't run anymore. The sadness is overwhelming and seeing a can of Ragu sauce at Walmart brings back alll the memories of home. Just typing this brings tears. I'd love to find others who I can share with and vs/vs especially at night when I can't sleep and or is going through the program. Email buddies and IM buddies. No one knows how messed up I am. Everyone thinks I'm just going through something. But I fear going to church and seeing people who expect me to be ok. Don't want to be close to anyone physically because it will hurt them. Being alone seems to be the answer but I know it is not. I stopped working too and that also brought me to this place of having to think and deal with myself. I can't run anymore and hope to find people who can help me stay the course and I'd like to help others too. It's hard to not be able to tell anyone.

Rose, we have all made it to this point for a reason. We can't really undo the things in our past, noone can. All of us on here have ran from jobs, relationships and many other things thinking we'll be happier then and we end up not happier. It was meant to be or it wouldn't have happened. Now you know why you've done these things and it's time to recover and get some peace. You done the best you could do at the time. I'm with you, I've done the same things and I am back on the program, You are not alone in any form. Give this program a real try and watch things turn around...

Hello Rose50

I am no expert and don't really know all your story but I think if you are working the program you are taking the first step. I believe the program works you just need to give it time. You said you worked the intro. Did you listen to the first session CD Yet? The people on this web site are great, and we are all on at different times of the day. But If you have a question or a problem the people here are all nice and helpful. Also going back and reading old post I have found to be helpful also. So please keep coming back, and talking to us and let us know how you are doing. I wish you the best of luck with the program.

Thank you so much. To hear others have made some major mistakes that have cost them relationships is good to know. I'm resolved to do the program.
please email anytime. my email is on my profile I think.

rose50,
i know what you feel like in a sense.i was married for over 30 years and she ran around on me.she did not want me around so i moved out in 2001.if you knew all my story then you would know why i used to have panic,anxiety,agrophobia,IBS and depression. the grass is not greener on the other side.what God has joined let no man put assunder.you are now remaried and what you need to do is work the program and use the skills and tools that you will have to be better along with your faith and God.go read my profile and it will help fill you in on where i was before i got better.take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.sit down with your husband. cook dinner and light a candle and tell him how much you love him. you are beautiful in Gods eyes and your husbands as well.we all make mistakes and by no means are perfect.your husband would be sad if you ever left him and went back to where you used to be.it takes 2 to work things out.hang in there and see what life brings you. you are geting there little by little and when you get through the program you can go on your journey.God Bless
don

Hi Rose-

I wanted to give you encouragement. I've been married for 10.5 years and have had some horrible problems. My anxiety and depression have been going on since I was 4, so I know that you end up being used to having "quirks" that some people accept and others don't.

Stick with the program. I procrastinated about moving passed the intro, but I finally made it to session 1 today. It helps to hear that there are so many others who have gone through one or more of the things I have. We all struggled, that's why we are doing this.

I'm sure that if your husband had the guidance and supportive love to get you this program, he cares enough about you to stick through your progress. Let him listen to the "I will be there for you" cd so that he can help you too.

I know it is hard and a struggle and you will move forward. The support and love of those you need will find you and will continue to help you grow. Be patient and know you are among friends. -J